Alley Cats
by CryptJo
Summary: Someone once accused Cloud of living in the past. Maybe that's true.


Cloud had never been one for nightclubs. The music, the voices, the sweating, gyrating bodies assaulted his senses in an entirely unpleasant way. Alcohol didn't agree with him and cigarette smoke stung his eyes. He hated the feeling of being on show, like a piece of fresh meat hanging in a butcher's window, as lustful glances were cast his way. Trying to ignore them, Cloud kept his attention on his glass of soda and counted the bubbles as they rose to the top and pop. It was surprisingly effective at distracting him from his dislike of the club.

Zack used to drag him out every Thursday night to a club under the plate that offered special deals for SOLDIERs. Every Thursday, Zack would get wasted and forget he had a girlfriend. On the way back to base, he'd stop, drag Cloud into an alley and fall to his knees at Cloud's feet and beg for forgiveness even as he fumbled with the younger male's belt. Cloud would run his fingers through Zack's hair and always gave the same response.

"It's not my sin to forgive."

As Cloud emptied himself down Zack's willing throat, he tried to forget that the only reason he put up with the dingy, smoke-filled club was for those moments when he could lose his mind, spill his seed and pretend for just a short time that Zack was his. Cloud couldn't forgive Zack his sins while he carried so many of his own.

Before he really knew it, Cloud had developed a conditioned response. The mere scent of alcohol and smoke - the scents of Zack - made him hard. It was little wonder then, that years later he would find himself drawn towards the one person in his life who reminded him of Zack.

"Come and dance," Reno pleaded, tugging on Cloud's arm only to be met with stubborn resistance to his plea. "If you don't dance, I'm not going to let you come home with me."

The threat was empty and Cloud knew it.

"You dance," he said in response, flicking his fingers in the direction of the dance floor. "I'll watch and think about all the things I'm going to do to you when I can finally drag your ass out of here."

Compromise reached, Reno smirked and leaned in to peck Cloud on the lips before bounding off back to the dance floor. Zack had loved dancing, almost as much as Reno. Cloud learned a long time ago that his two left feet and lack of rhythm meant humiliation and disaster on the dance floor so, as with Zack, Cloud contented himself with watching Reno move with fluid grace to whatever tuneless noise was currently playing and waited patiently for the night to end so his fun could begin.

It wasn't deliberate, Cloud told himself, but somehow, for some reason, he and Reno always ended up in an alley behind the club with Reno on his knees at Cloud's feet, sucking him dry as Cloud ran his fingers through silky red hair and tried not to think about the sins he carried. Afterwards, once Cloud had spilled his seed down Reno's willing throat he would help the man to his feet and kiss him hard, trying to dispel his guilt before cupping Reno's erection and quietly suggesting that they go home so Cloud could return the favour. They'd go back to Reno's and spend the rest of the night enjoying each others' body and sometime in the early hours of the morning, they would drift off to sleep, sated, satisfied, sweaty and spent. Cloud liked that he could do that, but Reno would never be Zack.

Cloud compared Reno to Zack more often than was healthy for any relationship and he did have a relationship with Reno. That was more than he had shared with Zack. It wasn't just the occasional fuck after a night of Reno drinking and dancing and Cloud sitting and watching; they dated, if it could be called that. Sometimes, Cloud and Reno would ride Fenrir out of Edge and take turns at beating the crap out of each other. Aware of his superior strength, Cloud held back and let Reno think he had the advantage for a while until he grew tired of the tussling. Easily overpowering Reno, Cloud would pin him down, ravish his mouth, grind against him insistently until the spitting, biting hellcat beneath him gave in and allowed Cloud to screw him senseless against the dry and dusty ground. Those were the times when Cloud wanted to top. Those were the times when Cloud wanted to be in control. Those were the times that Cloud was with Reno because he was Reno and not because he reminded Cloud of Zack.

Someone – Tifa perhaps, maybe Vincent, it could even have been Marlene – had once accused Cloud of living in the past, of dwelling too much on what had happened rather than looking forward to the future and what could happen. He was the master of his own destiny, they said. 'The past is what made me,' he shot back automatically, already used to having this argument in his head. He liked to pretend that this particular argument took place with Zack; Zack would want him to move on, despite whatever feelings Cloud might have on the matter. Zack would bless his relationship with Reno because really, Cloud needed someone like Reno. Although Reno had his own dark past, he wasn't one to let it affect his today. Where Zack and Reno were similar; Cloud and Reno were opposites. They complimented each other perfectly.

It was inevitable, perhaps, that one day Cloud would do the unthinkable and voice his thoughts. Reno suggested clubbing and Cloud tagged along, sighing a heavy sigh but secretly already looking forward to the post-club entertainment. They had their usual debate over Cloud's reluctance to dance and all in all, the night was a repeat of every one before it. Nothing was different. Cloud sat on his stool, fended off his would-be suitors, watched Reno strut his stuff and waited with growing anticipation of the moment that they would leave the club and head straight for the alley.

"You ready to go?" Cloud asked when Reno appeared beside him, hot and sweaty, panting hard because of all the dancing. He tried not to sound too eager, not wishing to curtail his lover's fun in favour of his own.

"Just gimme a minute, 'kay? I need a drink."

Reno called the barman over, ordered a beer and while he was waiting, lit up a cigarette. The scent of smoke and alcohol wafted over to Cloud and he groaned at the response it provoked. Almost subconsciously, he wrapped an arm around Reno's waist and pulled him closer so he was between Cloud's spread legs. Laughing, Reno blew a lungful of smoke into Cloud's face and when he had finished exhaling, leaned forward and kissed his lover hungrily.

"Beer," the barman announced and set Reno's bottle on the countertop. Cloud paid and Reno drank as quickly as he could. He drained the bottle, a testament to his thirst, and slammed the empty down on the bar. After a final drag of his cigarette, he stubbed it out in the ashtray, turned away from Cloud and belched out the gas from his drink.

"Let's go," Reno said but didn't move. Instead he snaked his hand between their bodies and down to Cloud's groin. "You're so fucking hard."

"You make me so fucking hard," Cloud replied, ignoring the voice that cried in his head, 'Liar! Liar! Zack makes you hard. The memory of Zack makes you hard, liar' and slid off his stool, pressing his erection against Reno's hand. "You also get me off, so yeah, let's go."

The passage out of the bar and into the cool air always seemed to take an eternity, it always had. Anticipation, excitement, arousal all warped Cloud's sense of time. It took an hour to cross the nightclub and a second before they were in that alley with the imagined ghosts of yesterday. Reno took his time to get Cloud worked up in a way that Zack had never done. He kissed Cloud, nibbled his ear and nuzzled his neck, whispered endearments and obscenities in the same breath and promised Cloud the world. Zack had promised Cloud nothing. Reno teased, pulling down Cloud's zip with agonising leisure and drawing out his erection, tormenting Cloud with long, languid strokes before dropping to the ground. Zack had wasted no time, preferring to forgo tempting touches in favour of instant gratification. Until the moment that Reno's lips closed around Cloud's hard, aching, desperate cock, he could differentiate between Reno, current and real, and Zack, past and pretend. When lips came down and Cloud's other brain was enveloped in moist heat, he was lost somewhere between both the memory and the now. One mouth was much the same as another and, having lost all conscious thought, Cloud gasped out his lover's name in pleasure.

"Ah, Zack!"

Chilly night air hit his hot, hard flesh at the same time as cold recognition hit his consciousness and Cloud's eyes flew open in time to see Reno recoil, an expression of hurt marring his features. Cloud's erection wilted and he fancied he could actually see Reno's heart break. Lips, slick with spit and pre-come parted but no sound came out until Cloud tried to reach out to him, to say sorry with a gesture, even though he knew it wasn't – wouldn't ever be – enough.

"I'm not him!" Reno bit out, then repeated, quieter this time, "I'm not him."

"I know."

"Is that what you think though? Is that why you're with me?"

"No! No, I-"

Cloud had no answer. Certain that guilt was plainly written on his face and even if he couldn't verbalise it, Cloud knew that Reno would see through any lie, any attempt to cover up the truth. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. Reno stared at the ground and for a moment, neither man spoke.

"I'm sorry," Cloud said at last, breaking the silence with soft, heartfelt words. He apologised, not because he thought it was the right thing to do or because he wanted to make himself feel better, but because he meant it. His mistake – that seemed like such an understatement – couldn't be unmade, his guilt couldn't be unfelt, his sins couldn't be forgiven and it took a momentary slip of the tongue to make Cloud realise exactly what Reno meant to him. More than Zack had ever been, Reno was an essential part of Cloud's life. That lost looking creature on the ground in front of him had wormed his way into Cloud's heart, wholly replacing Zack in its affections. Only his mind, traitorous and rebellious, had kept him from acknowledging it sooner. Like so many others had told him, he lived too much for what had been instead of what could have been. Cloud was devastated by his own actions and inactions.

"I'm an idiot. I'm such a fucking idiot," he berated himself, then turned his attention to the man in front of him, a lover he didn't deserve. "Reno…"

"I knew."

"What?"

"I knew that you saw him in me," Reno said, bitterly. "And at first, I took advantage of that because you'd never look at me otherwise, right? What would a hero want with a prick like me, right?" Reno looked up at Cloud, unshed tears sparkling in his eyes. He glanced downwards and snorted, pointed towards Cloud's crotch and said, "For fuck's sake, put it away."

Guiltily, Cloud tucked his softened cock inside his trousers and zipped up. He didn't know how Reno would react if he sat down beside him and decided to chance it. If Reno decided to kick his ass, Cloud knew he deserved no less.

"Mind if I join you?" He asked and without waiting for an answer, folded his legs beneath him and slumped to the ground. "What now?"

Reno shrugged in response and Cloud mirrored it with a shrug of his own. Both forced to admit that their entire relationship had been built upon lies, Cloud wondered if it could be salvaged or if this was the end. Cloud didn't want it to end. He didn't want Reno to become the next Zack, an unfulfilled desire that coloured his world and clouded his judgement. An obsession that his mind lorded over his heart, never fully giving him the choice of who he loved. Had he really loved Zack? He wasn't sure. Did he love Reno? He didn't know.

Compelled by a fear that if he didn't do something to demonstrate his feelings, even if he didn't quite understand them himself, Cloud impulsively reached out and grabbed Reno, pulling him into a tight, squeezing hug. It was a level of affection he had never displayed towards his lover, neither of them predisposed to mushy displays of sentiment, but it felt good. When they slept together, they remained in contact but never hugged, not like this.

"Fuck, Cloud," Reno said, his voice sounding choked with emotion, as he returned the gesture and wrapped his own arms around Cloud.

In a dark and dingy alley that represented so many secrets of Cloud's past and present, that represented so many sins, that had borne witness to deception and depravity, two men held each other tightly. The longer they clung to each other, the less it felt like despair that kept them in their embrace and more like hope.

Cloud thought to himself for the first time since he was a naïve cadet looking forward to his life ahead, that maybe the future looked pretty good after all.

The end.


End file.
